


Lockdown

by Rilannon



Series: The Coronavirus Chronicles [1]
Category: British Comedy RPF, Just Puddings (Web Series), Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster (Podcast)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Dirty Talk, M/M, Masturbation, Phone Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:26:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23236186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rilannon/pseuds/Rilannon
Summary: Ed's in lockdown for 12 weeks during the COVID-19 outbreak. How will he keep his brand new relationship with James going?Phone sex, naturally.(Because someone had to do it!)
Relationships: James Acaster/Ed Gamble
Series: The Coronavirus Chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698142
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38





	Lockdown

**Author's Note:**

> The obligatory coronavirus fic that we've all been thinking about writing to get us through these trying times. 
> 
> Keep safe everyone!

Ed sighs as he switches the TV off. The daily briefing from the Government on the coronavirus outbreak had left him feeling as frustrated and anxious as usual. He didn’t often curse his diabetes, having come to terms with it years ago, but it was the reason he was currently looking at 3 months isolation in his flat with no real company apart from Twitter. Fucking “high-risk group".

The worst part about the coronavirus isolation he found himself in was the fact that only a few weeks previously, he and James had finally got round to doing something about the sexual tension that had always simmered between them. The something in question had been Ed pushing James into a bathroom at a house party and kissing the living daylights out of him, only to be surprised when James practically dragged him out of the party and back to his flat. They had spent the night together a few times since then, including last week when James had stopped what was promising to be a quite spectacular blowjob to offer that Ed could fuck him, if he wanted to. Ed had nearly come at the thought, but had pulled himself together enough to nod at James, who had grinned and reached for his bedside drawer for the lube. 

And now, with Ed in lockdown, he wasn’t going to be able to touch James for 3 months. Ed had tried to encourage James to come over and spend some time with him. As long as they took precautions and washed up before and after, they should be fine. James had been very against that idea, and it nearly erupted into their first fight when James played his trump card. 

‘If you get really sick because I came over and gave you the virus, Ed, I’d never forgive myself.’ 

Ed sighed at the memory, he couldn’t really argue with James about that, but he’d finally got his hands on James and he wanted to keep doing that as often as possible. He also wanted James's hands on and inside him, something they hadn’t got round to yet. He remembered how wrecked James had been when he had been fucking him, and he wanted to experience that for himself. For now he would have to be satisfied with his own fingers, which had been keeping him company for the last few days in isolation. 

Ed spends the rest of the evening thinking about James and sex, anticipating their regular phone call that night. James had insisted that even though they couldn’t physically see each other, they needed to keep in touch every day so that Ed didn’t go too stir crazy alone in his flat. Ed settled himself down on his bed and texted James to let him know he was free. 

James responded by calling Ed straight back. Ed smiled as he picked up the phone. ‘That was quick.’ 

He heard James chuckle on the other end of the phone. ‘I bet you’re used to hearing that.’

Ed laughs. ‘I don’t remember you complaining last week. I seem to remember a whole lot of “Yes Ed" and “Don’t stop Ed" coming from you.’ 

James was quiet for a moment. ‘If you’re fishing for a compliment, it’s not happening.’ Ed just laughed again. ‘Sorry, but you started it. How are you?’ 

James laughed softly. ‘I should be asking you that. How bored are you already?’

Ed sank back against his pillows. ‘I’m so incredibly bored. I’m even starting to get bored with wanking.’ James made a horrified noise. ‘How can you get bored of wanking?! You really are in trouble...’ 

‘Well, if you were here I won’t have to worry about wanking, would I? Unless I was wanking you off while I’m fucking you like last time.’ 

For a moment there’s nothing from the phone but the rustle of James’s breathing. Ed worries for a second that he’s pushed James a bit too far out of his comfort zone until he hears James exhale shakily. ‘And here I was, calling you to check on your mental wellbeing, and you turn it into some kind of... sex chat phone line.’ Ed grins, slow and dirty. ‘Guilty as charged. What are you going to do about it?’ 

There’s another pause from the phone. ‘...Give me a minute, I refuse to do this on my sofa.’ 

Ed laughs. ‘Get naked while you’re at it. If we’re doing this, we might as well do it properly.’ The only reply he gets is a groan and a shaky ‘You too.’ 

Ed turns the phone to speaker and drops it on the pillow next to him before sitting up to whip his t-shirt off. He pushes his trousers and underwear down off his legs before settling back down again. All he could hear from the phone was the rustling of clothes, until James’s voice came through the speaker. ‘Ed, are you...?’

‘Yep, totally naked and spread out on my bed. You?’

‘Same. Although on my bed, not yours. If I was naked on your bed, we wouldn’t be having this conversation in the first place.’ 

‘James?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Shut up and start wanking.’ 

The sharp intake of breath from the phone was enough for Ed to start stroking himself. It didn’t take much to be fully hard, the mental image of James spread out on his bed doing the same thing was certainly doing it for him. ‘Are you touching yourself James?’

‘...Yeah.’

‘How does it feel?’

‘...Feels good. Feels better when you do it.’ 

‘Yeah?’ Ed tightens his grip slightly. ‘What else feels better when I do it?’

‘...Why am I the one being asked all the questions?’

‘Because it’s fun to make you say dirty things. But if you really want me to take over...’ Ed ran through his mental list of fantasies and memories of him and James together. ‘That first blowjob you gave me, couldn’t believe that’s the first time you’ve ever sucked a cock. Felt so good, you managed to take me so deep, it felt amazing.’ 

James's gasp only spurred Ed to stroke himself faster. ‘You liked it? Never been so glad I don’t have much of a gag reflex.’ 

Ed chuckled lowly. ‘Yeah, want to try and see if you can take my whole cock right down your throat, make you choke on it. Such a natural at sucking cock.’ 

‘Shit... What else do you want to try? Once we can actually be in the same room again?’

‘Oh I’m making a whole list of things to try with you. Top of the list is you fucking me until I can’t think straight.’ 

‘ _Fuck_ , you want that?’

‘Oh yeah. I’ve tried fingering myself over the last few days, feels good, but I know it would be better if you did it. Your fingers are longer, you’d be able to get deeper and fill me up so good.’ A wicked though crosses Eds mind. ‘Want me to finger myself now on the phone for you?’ 

‘...Fucking Christ Ed!’

‘Is that a yes or a no?’

‘Yes! Please.’ 

Ed laughs at the eagerness in James's voice. ‘One second, let me grab the lube.’ He rolls over to reach into his bedside drawer for the well-used bottle of lube, before getting comfortable and spreading his legs. ‘I’ve got it, gonna get my fingers nice and wet.’ He opens the cap on the lube and squeezes some out onto his fingers, the excess dripping off his hand and onto his cock, which is hard and starting to leak. He reaches down, past his balls and presses his slick fingers against his hole. ‘Ah, fuck!’

‘What?’ 

‘... Lube's cold.’

‘...You idiot.’ Ed smiles at the affection in James's voice, but that’s soon overpowered by the sensation of his index finger sliding inside himself. He gasps, loud enough that James can clearly hear him over the phone line. ‘Ed, what... Are you...?’ 

‘Yeah, got one finger in me so far. Feels really good.’ A pause. ‘I’m pretending it’s your finger.’

‘Yeah?’ James sounds somewhere between awestruck and unbearably turned on. 

‘Yeah. God I wish it was your finger. Wish you were here James, this feels good but it would be so much better if it was your finger. You’d be able to get deeper, fill me up better.’ Ed starts stroking his cock again, slowly in time with the finger that he’s now pressing in and out of himself. He turns his head to the phone on the pillow next to him. ‘So good James, want you to open me up with your fingers so you can fuck me with your massive cock.’ 

‘I’m pretty sure your cock is bigger than mine...’

‘Not the point James, it’s going to feel massive when it’s splitting me open, making me feel so good.’ 

‘Fucking hell Ed... Wanna do that so bad.’ For a long moment there’s only the sound of harsh breaths and the slick sound of Ed fingering himself. ‘Can... Can you get another finger in?’

Ed’s cock jumps in his hand. ‘ _Fuck_ yes, you want me to open myself up for you?’ 

‘Yeah, wanna hear you fuck yourself.’ 

Ed scrambles for the lube again, and squirts a bit more on his fingers. He adds a bit more to his cock for good measure before throwing the bottle to one side and continuing to stroke. As he slides the second finger in, a groan comes from deep in his chest, echoing around the room. He gets an answering groan from James, and he starts to slowly work his fingers in and out of himself. ‘Fuck that stretch feels _so_ good. Wish it was your cock stretching me out.’ 

‘Yeah... Jesus fucking... _Yes_ , Ed.' James is panting down the phone now. ‘...I’m close.’ 

Ed slows the hand on his cock. ‘Yeah? You close? Gonna come thinking about fucking my tight ass James? Wanna hear you come, so _fucking_ hot...’ James just groans, and Ed stops almost completely, focused entirely on the sounds James makes as he comes. 

* * *

James slowly strokes his cock, letting the aftershocks shiver through him. It takes him a moment to register the harsh panting coming from the phone pressed up against his ear. ‘Ed? Have you...?’ 

‘Not yet. Wanted to make sure I could focus on listening to you coming. That was so hot James, _fucking_ hell...’ James hums in agreement, squeezing on the next upstroke and spreading the bead of cum over the tip of his cock with the pad of his thumb. ‘Yeah, just came so hard I think I got some in my hair. Made a bit of a mess.’ Eds groan pulls his focus back to the phone. ‘You like hearing about how messed up I am? How messed up you made me?’ Somehow it was easier to talk dirty like this, satiated from his orgasm but very aware that Ed hadn’t had his own yet. Ed was gasping down the phone, and if James focused he could hear the slick sound of Eds fingers in the background. 

‘Bet you’re taking those fingers so well. Wish I was there right now, might not even fuck you, just finger your tight ass until you come.’ 

‘Fucking _hell_ James. Yeah, want that so much. Want your fingers, your cock filling me up.’

James grins. ‘Can you reach your prostate from that angle? You’ll know when you do, feels like fucking electricity.’ 

‘Let me try, might not have the right angle...’ James waits with baited breath, until Ed yelps. ‘I guess you found it?’ 

The only response is Ed gasping. James feels his cock twitch, valiantly trying to react to the noises coming from the phone. ‘Feels good, doesn’t it? Maybe I’ll just do that, fuck you with my fingers and press right there, see if you can come without me even touching your cock.’ 

‘Fuck, yes, James, want that, want you to fuck me, make me come without touching my cock, oh god _James_....!’ Ed tails off into a groan and James relaxes back into the pillow with a grin and waits for Ed to come back to himself. 

‘...Fucking hell.’ 

‘Yeah. You good?’

There’s a grunt and a slick sound over the phone. ‘Yeah. Now we’re both messy.’ James smiles, but his smile fades. ‘Wish I could actually be there and fucking you for real.’

Ed sighs. ‘I know, me too. We'll have to make do with this for now though.’ 

James goes to run his hand through his hair, before remembering it was covered in come. ‘Wish I could see you though. That was so hot to listen to, I can’t imagine how much hotter it would be to watch.’ 

Ed pauses for a second. ‘You do realise FaceTime is a thing, right? Next time we are totally doing this via FaceTime.’ James just stares at his ceiling for a moment. ‘...we are idiots. Also that might actually kill me to watch you do that.’ Ed just laughs at him, warm and affectionate. 

‘Ok, I’m getting uncomfortably sticky now. I’m gonna grab a shower and then head to bed.’   
James nods, then remembers that Ed can’t see him at the moment. ‘Yeah, me too.’ The next words tumble out of his mouth before he can stop them. ‘Miss you.’ 

Ed sighs, his voice soft and warm. ‘Yeah, miss you too. Talk tomorrow?’ 

‘Yeah. Goodnight Ed.’

‘Goodnight James.’ The line goes dead next to his ear. James stares at his ceiling for a bit longer before hauling himself out of bed and heading to the bathroom to have his shower. The sooner this virus gets sorted and the quarantine lifted, the sooner he’d get to do those things to Ed for real, and as far as James was concerned that couldn’t come soon enough. 

At least they could FaceTime next time. 


End file.
